I have been holding my tongue the past few weeks because the Penguins have gone from contender to joke in the East. They have accomplished this stunning feat because of several things from poor defensive unit play to shoddy goal tending by Marc-Andre Fluery who seems to be looking ahead to the Olympics more than keeping his mind on what he is doing in net on any given night. But as poor as those things have been the number one reason this team is faltering is because of the power play.

I’ve talked about it before and I think it just might be time for Coach Bylsma and some of the other so-called “experts” to maybe take a listen rather than mock the ideas that I have put forth in the past. Namely that it is time to split the Malkin/Crosby unit into two distinct ones.

Oh I know the excuses. The players claim they are getting their chances and that there is nothing major wrong. The pundits claim that it would be insane to not put your three best offensive threats on the ice together (Crosby/Malkin/Gonchar). But get down out of the clouds for a second!

For the better part of two years the Penguins preferred PP unit has struggled. It is far worse this year but be honest, last year was not all that great either considering the talent level on the ice. Moving Malkin to the point hasn’t worked either and I honestly do not see how putting Malkin back in the circle and moving Crosby to the point would help much despite what some people have said.

I know the inevitable complaint too! Oh how can you tell one of the Pen’s superstar centers that they are not good enough to be on the number one unit? Uh, hello, Earth to space cadets! They play on separate lines most of the game and are deemed affectionately 1 and 1A! You seriously expect me to believe that doing the same with the power play would hurt their egos any worse than this?

Some of you out there are just too enamoured with having one super unit. But that super unit is playing 1:45 out of a two minute PP and not scoring! And let’s face facts here; no one fears the #2 unit!

Suck it up. Let’s try something different!

PP #1 (starts the PP if Malkin is on the ice when penalty call is made)
Crosby
Cooke
Rupp
Gonchar
Kennedy (Point)

And before someone complains about Kennedy on the point, have you seen the way this guy can skate with the puck? Have you seen the way that he puts pucks on the net for rebounds?

PP #2 (starts the PP if Crosby is on the ice when the penalty is called)
Malkin
Staal
Fedotenko
Gonchar/Letang
Goligoski (point)

Yes, Go Go has struggled but this is a guy that the Pens have invested in. Time for his trial by fire! Either sink or swim time.

So what do you say Coach? Wanna give it a try?

I know, Heaven forbid some bozo like me with a blog might actually be right huh?  But I will tell you this, what you are doing is not working.  And doing it over and over despite it not working is leading me to believe that you are insane!

Star Wars fans know the running gag about how badly Storm Troopers shoot. Yes, even despite Obi Wan Kenobi stating in Episode IV just how “precise” their shooting was. I am sitting here watching the Penguins tonight against the Buffalo Sabres and they are, quite frankly, looking as if they have hired a shooting coach that once belong to the Galactic Empire’s finest.

Shots are coming fast and furious but they are all going high or wide of Lalime in the net. Come on guys!

My advice to the Penguins is to fire the ex-Storm Trooper and stop listening to his advice. No matter what you may have heard, they really cannot hit the broad side of a barn.

I won’t mince words. The Penguins pulled perhaps the biggest boneheaded move of the season by firing coach Michel Therrien following the team’s collapse against the Maple Leafs in a game the Penguins should have won on paper. One can hardly make a legitimate case that that game could have been the straw that broke the penguin’s back considering that the team finally started to show signs of life over the past few games playing both Detroit and San Jose, the two best Western Conference teams, well in that stretch. Sure the Leafs loss was unacceptable, but nothing that was new for this team!

It isn’t even arguable that the team had not been playing better as of late although inconsistency continued to plague them.

However, to fire coach Therrien after a game in which a sickly Sidney Crosby looked winded after every shift and a game which saw Fedotenko suit up again for the first time in weeks as well as Sergei Gonchar who had not played all season (and played well too!) is hardly sane. The problems of this team have never been about coaching. It has always been players lacking discipline and aggression, something that only the players can deal with themselves. No amount of coaching fixes that.

Therrien could not be expected to finish off checks for the girls on the ice.

Therrien could not be expected to correct all the bad passes into traffic by players who should know better about where to put the puck.

Therrien could not be expected to crash the net and hold the hands of his players.

Therrien could not be expected to walk out on the ice and put players in proper defensive or offensive possition.

Heck, Therrien could not even be expected to make Satan shoot more. Although he should have benched him long ago.

Now the team belongs to Dan Bylsma. At least temporarily. And we should remember that it is still the same team. Nothing has changed with the players so regardless of how the team performs here on out, it is as I have stated the players and not the coach that will determine the fate of the 2008-09 Penguins.

However I do have a few suggestions for Coach Bylsma. These are things that I would do if I were the coach and the players were not giving it their all or playing solid hockey.

1) The Pussy Shirt

Which ever player plays the most uninspired, girly like period must wear the “pussy shirt,” a pink t-shirt, under their uniform for the entire next period. Reasons for getting assigned the “pussy shirt” include, but are not limited to, not jumping in to defend your teammate, not finishing off a check and giving an opponent just a little love tap with a glove, or not going around the crease looking for rebounds in the offensive zone.

2) The Endless Shift

If three forwards EVER give such an uninspired effort in a period that the coach would normally want to bench or demote them, those players will start the next period and play the entire period or until they can no longer skate. At which point they will be hauled off the ice and sent to the showers not to be seen for the rest of the game. Hey, if you want to play like crap, why should the rest of the team suffer? Let the other team score 20 goals. Maybe someone will get a message.

3) No One Is Untouchable

You play like crap, you are benched the next game. I don’t care whether your name is Brooks Orpik or Sidney Crosby. If by this point in your career you cannot play fundamentally sound hockey then you will sit back and watch other people who can. I do not care who you are. Maybe you will learn something.